Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
