There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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