I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
