Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
