we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
