Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
