Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
