Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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