Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
birth control should be required to get into college
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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