i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
