redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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