there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
