I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
