Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
