found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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