No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
