I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
