She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
