For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
