ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
