I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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