she was so not down for the gang bang
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
God, I missed his penis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
