There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
