Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
