Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
