Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
