Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
