very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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