Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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