dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
