I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
