party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
