24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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