So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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