your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
