Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
