Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
