I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
