There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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