you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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