So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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