I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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