Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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