Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
