the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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