Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
