remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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