I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
