My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
