I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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