dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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