dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
