but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I puked a lego.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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