Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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