if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
