well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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